This morning I dropped Kiddo off at the airport. I couldn't stop myself from choking up as I bid him love and safe travels back to the West Coast and to his plans. The wind lashed around us. The sky was portentous, and the sun was retreating as fast as my boy. I don't think either of us looked back.
Being a parent is a zillion kind of things, and this morning I tried to put a name to the crushing emotion that rode in the car with me on the way home. In the end, there was no one word, no one feeling. Parenting is both a lush and vibrant landscape of love and pride and a vast wasteland of regrets and misgivings. I was in both places at once.
After feeling sorry for myself for most of the drive, I very consciously redirected my thoughts to what's good and right about Kiddo returning to his new mountain-side home in LA. I found I was filled with melancholia as well as affection and respect for this new man in my life. That's the kind of thing you have to breathe in, you know?
And it was on that breath that I was finally able to take a moment to send gratitude to the universe for the 15 days my kiddo was in our home.
For now, Kiddo needs to take to the sky, and I'll see him on his turf in the spring. In the mean time, I have some plans of my own to see to.
Thursday 11.24.16 - Thanksgiving!
The minutes of Thanksgiving are slipping away, but I didn't want to go to sleep without acknowledging a couple someones I'm so thankful for.
First up is Kiddo. On August 18 of summer last, he and his best friend put in the back of a U-Haul guitars, amps, and related equipment along with a weird mix of hand-me-down household items and a big-ass TV. They shut the doors on that U-Haul and pointed the car toward the West Coast ready to take on the job of making dreams come true.
Kiddo has a lot of drive and a lot of opportunity. My heart sings with unadulterated pride and elation for him. I admire how brave he is. I admire how he's out there laying claim to all that he envisions for his life. When he's fearless, he shows me how to be fearless. His move means someday I can move to my land of tropical seas, sunsets, and dreams, too. He's shown the way.
Secondly, is my one and only niece. She almost died a couple of years ago, and it was a heinous, hateful season watching her struggle back to life. It's been a zillion or so miles of rough road since then, but hell if she isn't fighting so hard against those relentless demons of addiction, depression, and anxiety.
She said today she can't see what's beyond her immediate work of just being sober, but I tell her I can see it. I'm always holding her at her highest, always seeing her potential. When she shares with me so openly and honestly about what's going on with her, she gives me permission to do the same. That's a priceless gift right there - just being able to be truthful about who you really are.
Then there's step kiddo. When my guy and I were first married people asked me how step parenting was going. The answer then, and now, is that it's going swimmingly. Kiddo II is empathetic, sweet, sensitive, smart, and so funny. He couldn't make being a step mom any easier. This boy makes me laugh, and just the sound of *his* laugh, which we hear often when he's with us, makes me smile. His ease and kindness are beyond compare, and it's an honor to be his bonus mom. What I learned from Kiddo II is that you don't have to make new situations hard or tense if you can just go into them with some softness and love.
As I get ready to slide under the flannel sheets, my guy snoring, my niece asleep in the next room, my belly full, having spent the day with family and dogs, there are undoubtedly a couple hundred other people and things I'm thankful for, but tonight it's the kids in my life who are on my mind - all three so very different and so very loved.
Heads down all week working on my website, I've marveled at how it's come together. On this #ThankfulThursday, I'm grateful for the know-how and experience I have in marketing and technology. Working on my website means I get to use both sides of my brain, which brings me a balance of sorts. Learning a new web platform, digging around in html, and writing content that speaks to who and what I am has had me immersed for days. Plus, as I've worked, I've had the sliding glass door in my office open, inviting in the warm fall air and sunshine. The dogs are playful and loud as they too enjoy the weather. It's a fine way to spend a work day. Thankful, indeed. (Here's a sneak peek at my new site and a picture of what's outside my sliding door.)
Mornings have a rhythm around here. Before my husband leaves for work, he kisses my forehead then tucks puppies in with me. For a stretch the dogs and I sleep.These last several mornings, when we wake there is sunlight beginning its early-morning dance across the bedroom walls. The pups and I snuggle and chat for awhile, then we rise to locate walking shoes and leashes. This is the day that greets us when we finally step across the threshold of our home. And for this sky, this weather, these crazy girls, and my ability to know how good things are in this moment, I am deeply grateful. What are you thankful for? #mornings #puppies #ThankfulThursday